missiondeterminant | [IC Inbox

But you're still sympathetic toward them?

[He doesn't say it accusingly, because she'd told him her opinion in good faith and he's willing to give her the benefit of the doubt as to her reasons, but he doesn't get it. Or rather, he does, but doesn't support it.]

Yes.

[ No hesitation. ]

Even though I get frustrated like everyone else with the way things are sometimes, I also. I know what it means to be a "monster" that has to hurt others simply to survive. Wolves don't feel bad for eating sheep; it's just the way the cycle goes. So why should the gods feel bad for feeding off our emotions when that's a necessity for them to live?

I don't blame them for doing what they have to. Especially in the face of extinction. Sorrow said he wanted his family back and when I first got here I'd just lost my pack, so. I get it. I do. I'd have done anything to get them back as well if that had been an option.

But I do hope we can try and find a more... mutually beneficial relationship, at some point. Maybe. Just, like. A better middle ground, at least, where they can get what they need out of us but also give us more in return.

[On one hand, that explanation makes more sense than any other he's heard so far, and it's one he can truly understand.

On the other, he directly disagrees with the justification, and that disagreement is due to personal experience just like Rose's experience caused her to form her option. Connor also knows what it's like to be the hunter, to have it be his nature--to have it be the singular task he was made for-- and for the alternative, if he didn't succeed, to be death. But because of that, and because he had acted on directives and a long-time unrecognized sense of self-preservation, he doesn't even know how many are dead. Two, at least, that he was personally involved in, and then the countless people in Jericho during the attack.

So he can't imagine not feeling the guilt and the weight of it all, not as a being with free will and the ability to feel emotion, and being able to just justify that it was doing what he had to do to survive. Immediate self-defense, like during the Jericho raid when he'd defended Markus and North, he can write off, but... Hurting people who were doing nothing wrong, just so he could live himself, is something he hates himself for and he doesn't consider it an acceptable reason for the gods' actions.

The rush of emotion, unexpected as it is, makes it difficult for him to focus on a response; it's like it clouds his processing, directing so much of it to feeling that he can't concentrate on anything else. It shows on his face, a little, in furrowed eyebrows and a clenched jaw, his fingers curling and uncurling reflexively just to get energy out somewhere as he struggles to control what he's feeling before he finally replies.]

I don't agree, but I understand.

[That's fair, right? And honest, even.]

[ She feels the guilt of it weigh on her almost every single day. Most wolves don't, however, so she can't really say if what she feels is normal or not.

She can tell that what she's said has done something. Whether good or bad, it's actually hard to tell... ]

Well, hey. That's a lot more reasonable than most people. I'm totally fine with agreeing to disagree.

After all, people having different opinions is part of what makes life so interesting, I think.

[IC Inbox | Hadriel]

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